Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be. Neither is Hosting.


We offer all the standard shit, plus a little extra you won't get from our insensitive and heartless competitors:

24/7 Incident Response

Server problems? Let’s not lie to each other – all the sysadmins are out drinking. Rest assured, someone probably has JuiceSSH installed on their smartphone and is available to assist by the third or fourth time their phone rings.

Friendly Staff

Our emotionally unpredictable staff will keep you on your feet, never making it a dull moment when you contact us for help. We even provide complimentary eggshells for you to walk on.

Committment to Success

We want you to succeed! We help by getting overly defensive when you act like you know more than we do. You can be assured in our ability to teach you valuable life lessons about unfounded confidence by taking any opportunity to make you feel incompetent.

The emotional instability of our company is what makes us a success.
It doesn't matter what we tell you. You'll still say bad things about us on the Internet, and that hurts our feelings.

Our company prides itself on our open and healthy display of emotion, even though it sometimes makes our customers uncomfortable. It's ok though, because we were also uncomfortable having to troubleshoot your grandmother's porn site. Anyway, here are some fun facts about our workplace:

- Xanax is plentifully distributed via snack bags to ensure that proper sanitation and portion control is achieved

- We keep our customer service department stocked with plenty of women, to ensure maximum display of emotion

- Our servers are specially designed to not talk back, which is instrumental in balancing our chi

- We are committed to operating a green environment. We used to go through 40 boxes of tissues per week, and to help reduce waste we opted to replace said tissues with biodegradable onion skins. It's good for the environment, and helps support our local farmers as the nonstop cycle of acid tears wears away at our souls.


We can prove that we have real employees because we post pictures of them on our website.

E. Normous Peter

Customer Servicer
Norm is one of our freshest talents, and possesses the unique superhuman ability of being able to consume human feelings for continued sustenance. He uses his talents to help overweight 30-something single mothers reach their goal of being less overweight 40-something single mothers.

P. Nisenvy

After working mostly with men throughout her career, V is the only team member that has no emotions whatsoever and regularly uses her lack of feeling and general human decency to train the servers in the totally legitimate art of submission.

Justin Hermouth

Tear Wiper
Justin escaped the minefields of Eastern Europe to assist our team in the very important role of wiping tears. He can often be found walking around literally rubbing peoples’ eyes like a big fucking weirdo.


It’s a bonsai tree.
It looks pretty, and is useful for hiding behind when you’re trying to rub one off mid-day at your desk while pretending to not be looking at furry porn. Keep in mind the average bonsai tree is 10″, so I mean, people can still see you.
Real feedback from real customers. We only post the positive testimonials because the negative ones make us look bad.